Doesn’t sound like those 2 things go together, do they?! Well, often a push and pull situation; stepping towards my big dreams followed directly by ‘I give up, this is hopeless’.
I believe it is possible, most certainly! But, it can take longer, and I accept it may be more difficult. Still, it is easy to fall into the trap, feeling there is no way I can do this due to either having flare ups, bouts of exhaustion or hormonal fluctuations that dip me in and out of misery.
A problematic part of chronic illness is talking about it, including in my content. I feel uncertain or unworthy to speak about it fully as it is probably hard for someone who isn’t dealing with a condition to understand how 1 week I can be totally on top of the world; the next I’m flat on my face or to speak more literally under my duvet hiding from the world, stuck in the bathroom or busy trying to tap into my inner queen pulling out all the self care survival hacks. Then, fretting can I even call what is happening to me chronic when others have conditions I couldn’t imagine having to deal with. So grateful for all of you out there surviving and sharing your truths!
So, what conditions am I dealing with you may wonder? The oh so fabulous gut dysbiosis, known as SIBO – mine being the methane prominent kind. Yes you read that right, METHANE. My gut swells up like a balloon and it hurts A LOT. It steals my nutrients meaning it must be managed to not turn into an autoimmune disease. I am really far on my healing journey but I’m still paying for the expensive treatments and must watch what/how much I eat and stress to avoid flare ups & burping all day long, mighty craic!
The other fine condition that loves to keep me company is my good friend primary dysmennorhea meaning painful periods that keep coming back. Last month she disappeared and my mind was blown! After years she finally took a break, agreeing with what I was doing. Then 36 days later and counting I’m dipping into a PMDD attack. For those shy to PMDD it means premenstrual dysphoric disorder – basically pms on steroids. 7 days in trying not to cry all day, inability to concentrate, working hard to not lose all feelings of self worth and praying my period comes to relieve me of it all with an underlying fear of the symptoms that come with that. So yes, it is quite the womb adventure.
Are you also working on a business or project while dealing with health issues? I’d love to chat about your experiences in the comments below!
Where does this leave me as someone who is building an events business? It means, I started months after planning an event to actually set it up but, it is finally happening!! It means I am behind in my planning but I am pushing on anyway and what will be will be. Slowly I’m nourishing my courage to share my more recent experiences with people, building content and finding my way as I follow my curiosity. My first event of 2021 is part of a period health series so I’m hoping my guests and I can begin to improve our situations together as a community.
It also means that my work holidays are sometimes assigned to recovery days and me being ok with that. As well as prioritising myself over work choosing to never sacrifice myself again as pushing through suffering can cause immense damage. I’ve learned it is just not worth it. This time, I choose to simply follow my curiosity and have fun with it. I choose to release the self pressure and it can not be said enough once I know I’ve done the best I can; what will be will be.
Imperfectly Positive 