Habits that keep me from spiraling into a depression

Speaking from my own experiences, overcoming depression and later in life PTSD, every so often my body will now let me know somethings up; typically with symptoms of anxiety as I’ve usually missed the signals before that point.

My personality loves to keep me caught up in lots of activities and roles at once but now I know my mind and body thrive when life is a lot simpler than my desires and I’ve learned to accept that.

Still, life happens and we all get busy don’t we?! Currently my main focuses are a college project and studies, part-time work and organising virtual events. I won’t ever name all the desirables that come and go like learning Italian and books. Life can easily tip me towards anxiety as the fear of running out of time arises, that deep sense of urgency that is of course a false reality. Here are some of the ways I have improved at not letting my mood spiral.

PEACEFUL DISTRACTIONS

When I feel any of the unpleasant symptoms; chest tightness, hollow feeling or panicky I quickly step away from my task (even if my brain is telling me I HAVE to do this task) and I go for a little walk around the block, even to sit under a tree and simply do nothing. If you can’t go outside put a yoga mat or even towel on the ground and do some stretches, some deep breaths or maybe just lie flat on your back and chill.

PHONE ALERTS

Put the phone on do not disturb and put it away. It keeps the mind on high alert with lots of things to get you in a negative thinking pattern. Pull out that book you’ve been meaning to read for even 1 page, dance around your kitchen or make a delicious drink like a turmeric latte and prepare lunch in silence without distractions.

SHOULD I CANCEL?

Don’t cancel plans with friends. Believe me the desire was there (thinking..should I really be going for a walk with x,y,z to do) but yes, yes you should stick to your plan. Friend + Walk = Part of the cure

Compassion Living Series with Emma (me)

What does compassionate living mean to me?

It’s easy to get caught up in the busyness of life, especially with the overwhelm that comes from the fast paced lifestyle we’re all in together. Thus, forgetting how incredible it is we have the chance to be a human being on this earth & underestimating the impact we have as an individual in our time here. Compassionate living to me is recognising this and aligning my daily actions with my belief system. I believe we are responsible to ensure we are not harming other beings who share this earth with us; rather the opposite. We are meant to share joy & love & to ensure every being is safe & free.

This means I am committed to learning how to do better, making those changes to the best of my ability. So far this has meant:

• Going vegan, meaning I no longer eat anything from an animal or using their skin or hair or products that test ingredients on them.

• No longer supporting products from slave labour meaning I don’t go to pennies/primark, H&M, Dunnes Amazon. I try to avoid buying new things wherever possible & instead thrift or wait & save or work with what I already have.

• Making my top career goal about spreading compassion, not compromising ethics & sustainability for profit.

• Working on myself continuously; a happier Emma who feels peace within has more to give & is nicer to be around.

• Staying open minded to ways I am messing up & can do better.

• Committing to a life of finding ways I can serve humanity & earth.

• Striving to not put my own personal desires above what should be the basic rights of humans, the animals & the planet to feel safe & free from harm. It’s not always easy with the world we exist in but it is worth it!

What does practicing self-compassion look like to me?

Making up for all the years of self loathing in my past & doing the shadow work needed to release that internalised shame, trauma & fear. Simple acts like touching & moving my body in the most gentle embrace & repeating mantras or saying gratitudes like ‘Thank you stomach for always digesting my food, keeping me alive & being fucking fabulous. I love you!’ Doing this even with my daily swelled stomach from SIBO (compromised small intestine); On the bad days I can still be grateful for my large intestine & stomach etc, practice makes joy.

Putting myself first (may sound like a contradiction to above but trust me it’s not), letting go of caring what others think & committing to having my basic needs met:

• Am I moving my body enough?
• Getting enough hydration?
• Sleeping enough & through the night?
• Keeping my stress levels in check?
• Eating enough nourishing ingredients?

Can you remember a moment you felt truly free? Where were you and what were you doing?

Right now. I feel tuned in with my body & connected with my breath. I am not attached to the outcome of writing this blog or desiring to do anything else right now other than write. I have neither craving nor resistance and my basic needs are met. To me that is freedom of mind, body & spirit.

If somebody came to me wondering how they could live a more compassionate life, what tip would I give them to help them on that journey?

Start the journey with what you pay for each day. Take the time to learn about where the food, clothes & products you buy regularly come from – What country? Did the item travel far? Who made them? Is that person happy, paid well & feeling safe? Did anybody get hurt for you to be able to have it? Did the earth’s rivers get polluted or the air full of harmful substances?

Then, close your eyes. Put yourself in their situation, be it human or animal or even river. Take a breath. Ask yourself, would you be ok if it were you?

If the answer is no then start your research. What is an alternative that will bring no harm? There is almost always an alternative if you open your mind and heart.

How did reflecting on your experiences with compassion just now leave you feeling?

Deep emotions that remind me to never lose hope & never give up.

30 Habits to start before turning 30

Here are 30 changes I made in my own life that brought me closer to joy. Keep in mind these habits will benefit us at any age; it’s never too late to start! Make lifestyle changes one at a time for true success. I recommend the book ‘Slight Edge’ by Jeff Olson if you need advice on how to make habits stick. Here it is as a PDF: https://givbuxuniversity.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/The-Slight-Edge-Jeff-Olson.pdf

1. WEAR SUNSCREEN DAILY

Avoid age spots – I already have them on my face! Avoid premature skin ageing. Pick up a chemical free sunscreen from any health shop.

2. QUIT GETTING DRUNK

Let’s be honest, it leads us to feel bad about ourselves. Also, it’s literally a poison to the human body eeekk!

3. END YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH TOBACCO

4. READ BOOKS

Daily if possible, even weekly. Factual, fiction, autobiography or whatever floats your boat. Keep looking until you find what you like.

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5. SAY GOODBYE TO TOXIC FRIENDSHIPS

This was one of the hardest but necessary for internal peace and joy.

6. SPEAK WITH LOVE TO THE BODY PARTS YOU FELT/FEEL INSECURE ABOUT

I had a lot of making up to do to my stomach & arms.

Compassionate Living with Siún

Almost at the end of our ‘Compassionate Living Series.’ What a joy to read the different perspectives on living a life of compassion. An idea for my next series is ‘How I got through depression’ to get a variety of insights. If this is something you would read, let me know!

Here are the wonderful thoughts of an Irish woman named Siun Byrne about self compassion, compassion for others & life. Enjoy!

Tell me Siun, What does compassionate living mean to you?

Compassionate living, for me, means living a life as free from harm to all beings both human and non-human as possible, being respectful and empathetic, and trying to leave the world in a better way than I found it. It also means extending that compassion and love I have for others, to myself on a moment-to-moment basis too, as it’s always been easier for me to care for others and forget about myself so that’s something that I’ve learned to cultivate within myself over the years.

What does practicing self-compassion look like to you?

Wow, where to start with this one? I practice forgiveness on a daily basis, both towards myself and towards others which I have found incredibly healing as it is so easy to get wrapped up in all the things you did ‘wrong’ and how others have wronged you that we forget that we are all just trying to figure things out and understand what it means to live the human experience! Non-judgement and non-attachment are also both huge parts of my own self -compassion, as well as self-care, not only in the typical sense but in doing the hard work to heal myself and trusting my intuition on what is truly good for me in the moment, whatever that may look like. I could talk about my journey with self-compassion for hours on end honestly.

Can you remember a moment you felt truly free? Where were you and what were you doing?

Compassionate Living Series with Simone

This is the third interview of our mini compassionate living series which was with the light of my life Simone Tiso. Amazing to find these different perspectives.

Tell me Simone, what does compassionate living mean to you?

Compassion is defined as “sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.”

With time, I am realising that I’m probably wrong on this and maybe most people don’t naturally live compassionately, but for me compassionate living is simply living. I have always had pity and concern for the sufferings and misfortunes of others and focused on how could I live to reduce/avoid that suffering to others.

Unless emotions end up getting the better of me and I might cause some negative feelings to others. Though I suspect I have never caused concrete harm.

Maybe it makes more sense to define the opposite of this, apathy, which is something that shocks me every time I see it.

What does practicing self compassion look like to you?

I do not know or understand this concept, so it is absent in my vocabulary/worldview.

Can you remember a moment you felt truely free? Where were you & what were you doing?

I have felt very free when I first left Italy. Then, as I forced myself to be financially independent I have felt that freedom slowly fade away. It has come back once I started getting a salary and have now achieved the goal I had put in front of myself.

I Want To Know

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living,

I want to know what you ache for

and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are,

I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love;

For your dream,

For the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon,

I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow,

If you have been opened by life’s betrayals or 

have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain,

Mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy,

Mine or your own.

If you can dance with wildness 

and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes, without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

If doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true,

I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself,

if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul,

if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty, when it’s not pretty,

and if you can source your own life from it’s presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure,

Yours and mine, and stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon ‘Yes’.

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and dispair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children,

It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you come to be here.

I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied,

I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself

and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

-Anonymous

This is a poem written by an old friend who is no longer on this earth that had to be shared. It was written about 2002 and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

Compassionate Living Series with Blessing

Here is the second part of our mini ‘compassionate living series, this time with Blessing Sibanda’. Enjoy!

So tell me Blessing, what does compassionate living mean to you? 

Being aware that all beings have a wide range of emotions that they express in many different ways, some of which we may not understand. It’s important to practise kindness and project positivity and light in all life situations.

What does practicing self-compassion look like to you?

To me self compassion means opening myself up to myself. Allowing myself to see what’s good around me and what’s negative. What negativity am I allowing into my space and how can I do things better to make myself happier. For example, I have a habit of overworking myself.I often get overwhelmed and struggle to find a good work/life balance. I tend to lean towards work more and find myself bringing work tasks home and feel low when I have neglected my outside work life for a while. So I am practicing constantly reminding myself that I have 24hours in a day and only 8 of those should be dedicated to work. The rest are to take care of me and those around me because that makes me feel good.

Can you remember a moment you felt truly free? Where were you & what were you doing? 

Honestly don’t remember the last time I fell truly free. I need to work on that.

If somebody came to you wondering how they could live a more compassionate life, what tip would you give them to help them on that journey? 

Entrepreneurship & Chronic Illness

Doesn’t sound like those 2 things go together, do they?! Well, often a push and pull situation; stepping towards my big dreams followed directly by ‘I give up, this is hopeless’.

I believe it is possible, most certainly! But, it can take longer, and I accept it may be more difficult. Still, it is easy to fall into the trap, feeling there is no way I can do this due to either having flare ups, bouts of exhaustion or hormonal fluctuations that dip me in and out of misery.

A problematic part of chronic illness is talking about it, including in my content. I feel uncertain or unworthy to speak about it fully as it is probably hard for someone who isn’t dealing with a condition to understand how 1 week I can be totally on top of the world; the next I’m flat on my face or to speak more literally under my duvet hiding from the world, stuck in the bathroom or busy trying to tap into my inner queen pulling out all the self care survival hacks. Then, fretting can I even call what is happening to me chronic when others have conditions I couldn’t imagine having to deal with. So grateful for all of you out there surviving and sharing your truths!

Practicing Slow Living For A Happier Life

Slow living for me is an accumulation of thoughtful habits over time that bring me out of my head and into the present moment. It is a way for me to experience epic feelings without needing to be in a particular environment. This practice has been pretty rewarding while spending so much time indoors.

So here are some of the habits I’ve been working on:

Bring Nature Indoors

Inspired by a beautiful cut flower I found on the road, I started to seek out elements of nature that I could bring home such as mossy twigs with nice shapes, cuttings of rosemary from the public allotment, a buttercup where there were loads (I avoid cutting flowers typically as we need them for biodiversity; try to find things already unearthed, fallen leaves, feathers). Then, just have fun with it and make little arrangements. We’ll get better at it as time goes on but it made me pretty darn happy from the start. Currently using a drinking glass so I’ll definitely be seeking out a beautiful vase when the charity shops open again.

Mindful Walking

Using my walks up and down the stairs to practice mindfulness. I have found so much joy in those moments where it is just my breath and I as I take it step by step, no distractions, no element of time. 

Declutter

Doing a little area of your home a couple of times a week like your jewellery box, then your t-shirt drawer and passing the things you don’t use to friends or onto an app such as the free sharing app ‘Olio’. Simplify your life and it will leave more room for joy.

Text & Call Less

Be more intentional; schedule a time where you both can get yourselves a tasty hot drink to relax and have enough time for a long catch up, hopefully with healthy tasty nibbles. 

Imperfectly Positive

I vow to share the ups and the downs, openly and authentically.

I vow to keep showing up for myself and for you! Expect a blog every Monday morning.

I vow to always show up with an open mind, knowing we learn together and continuously.

In this blog you’ll find talk about life as an event manager; what I’ve learned from the things that worked out perfectly as well as the mistakes that became valuable lessons. Also, life as a virtual college student and my passion for nurturing sustainability and diversity in the events industry. A dream of mine is to be part of an events team where compassion is the #1 priority; in all of our decisions, what we choose to share and how we do things.

As health and wellbeing are an essential part of life and business, you’ll find my journey to healing primary dysmennorea [painful periods and pms] and my gut health [diagnosed with sibo – methane dominant summer 2020]. Of course mental health chats too – essential!

This blog will also include insights from people I admire!

Excited to take this journey with you.

Here is where you can get access to our events:

https://www.eventbrite.ie/o/positively-eventful-15837206819